Get ready, because I'm gonna swear.

Every one of us at some point is faced with an overwhelming problem. Something so big that it seems hopeless to attempt. Sometimes these challenges have aspects that are beyond our control (like the action or inaction of others), which leaves us feeling helpless.

In all cases, these problems are often so huge that they can't be dealt with in a few hours of work and they wind up resting in the back of our minds, eating away at our subconscious, invading our dreams, and affecting our ability to deal with the day-to-day matters of our lives.

Content Warning: I'm going to swear. I'm going to swear a lot! 

The only swear word I'll be using here is "sh!t". It's a useful word. Some people are absolutely anti-swearing. Some won't swear in front of children. As an adult raising an autistic child, I believe strongly that there is a time and place for swearing, and that of the swear words, "sh!t" is not the worst of them. I'm proud that my son swears appropriately and not just for effect. 

What I'm about to talk about is all the stupid "sh!t" that we have to deal with in life. And after this sentence, I'm no longer replacing the i with an exclamation point.

You've been warned.

Real life includes a lot of really shitty things. As human beings, especially as independent adults, life includes wading through a lot of shit. Some of that shit is our own doing, some of it is done to us, but no matter what, we have to deal with that shit before we can go on to doing the more meaningful things that bring us joy.

The last two years or so have dealt everyone a heaping pile of shit. Pandemic, unemployment, vaccines, politics, wars. OMG. I stopped watching the news because it was too much shit for my day.

I personally was dealt some extra shit in the form of divorce and loss of employment not related to COVID, and then trying to figure out how to support myself in the midst of a freaking pandemic. 

It just keeps coming. Shit on top of shit with shit flavored shit sprinkles.

And then when you think you've got a handle on it, a shit storm hits.

(As an aside, I like to use the phrase "fecal turbulence" instead of "shit storm" when in polite company.)

I was in a Zoom session with friends last week complaining about the most recent thing that's holding me back. A thing that I feel that I don't have control over. One of my friends offered this sage advice. Now I'm sharing it with you.

She asked me if I had a list. Of course. I always have a to-do list.

No, she pressed. Do you have a 'Big Shit' list?

Silence filled the Zoom session, partly because this person is not one to drop swear words lightly.

What she then described is so simple to be profound. And the revelations of that session were amazing.

We all have things going on for which we feel we have no control, but that will drive us to madness. Those items go on the 'Big Shit' list.

Your daily to-do list, or all those concrete tasks that you know exactly how to approach? Those go on your 'little shit' list. 

When was the last time you wrote your Big Shit list? I wrote mine yesterday and there were four things on it. Only four. "Only." HAH! That shit is driving me batty and keeping me from resting at night. The Big Shit list is the BIG SHIT that's disrupting your life, such as "How in the Wide, Wide World of Sports am I going to make enough money to pay the mortgage when I don't even have a job right now?" size shit.

So the Big Shit list is the first step. You dump that shit right there so you can see it and call it what it is. 

What you really want is for that Big Shit to become little shit. Calling it out is the first step.

The second step is talking about it. 

Find someone to talk to. Or several people. People who aren't gonna be judgmental, but who will provide helpful feedback. I just happened to whine about a Big Shit problem I was having that was affecting my business in a Zoom meeting with my business coach and coaching cohort. One of them had been there, done that. The other (as noted above) had asked me about my list.

The point is, you don't know where the advice is gonna come from, but you have to talk about it, if only to know that you're not the only person ever to have to deal with this particular Big Shit item. 

The benefit of talking about it is that there is a good chance you'll learn how to deal with the Big Shit item, whether by learning that it's really not Big Shit, or by being offered thoughts on how to move the item from the Big Shit list to the little shit list. 

Today, I have two actionable items on my little shit list that can get that one Big Shit item off the Big Shit list. Plus those actionable items have obvious next steps. 

Now it's up to me to take care of those items on the little shit list, but I can do it because I know exactly how to do them. 

So, to summarize:

Life got you down? Are you feeling overwhelmed by all the shit on your plate?

Have you written your list? Your BIG SHIT list?

Do it!

Once you have your Big Shit list, pick an item and talk to trusted friends about it. Break that Big Shit into a bunch of little shits that you can deal with. 

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.